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Fawkes

5am Ramblings

I'm definitely having one of those nights where I seriously just need someone to talk to. But I'm not sure about what. I just need someone to stay up late with me and talk about nothing in particular but alas, no one is awake with me at this hour as no one tends to stay up this late anymore.

So to you, my trusty livejournal, I shall type away my life musings as I tend to do when my mind becomes muddled with thoughts I don't need.

For whatever reason, I feel so lonely right now. As if I'm living in this bubble where people occasionally come into it and spend time with me and then leave. Perhaps I'm just feeling clingy. But the moment people leave, I feel as if they will never come back. And it's strange to feel that way because I know people don't always leave forever, but it's what I'm feeling at this moment. It may be due to the lingering graduation and it's understandable. To be realistic with myself, people are going to be leaving from my life forever. I would like to think that people won't be gone forever but to think in that fashion would be naive. People are going to be gone from my life. Forever.

Why do I hold onto these feelings for so long? Grasping at these relationships that are not going to stay forever. As if the more time I force myself to spend with them, it will somehow make them stay longer. My last chance to convince them not to leave my bubble. But the effort is useless. That's not the way life works. I look at my oldest sister and my brother and they only keep a handful a friends. People that have stuck with them for whatever reason and some co-workers. They say that the friends you make in high school are not as important as the friends you make in college but I'm finding that harder to keep true. My closest friends are from high school and only a very select few from college are going to stay with me through the end.

I'm lucky though. Not many people can come out of college and say that they're in a stable relationship. It's pretty rare actually and here I am. Proving that you can find love when you're not even looking. All those dumb cliches are pretty true. Don't go looking for love. You never really know what you're looking for until you find it. You never know until you can feel it. It's different, weird, magical.

But that's college for you.

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