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I can't figure out why it's so hard this time. Why it's so difficult to be so far away. This happens all the time now. So why am I not used to it? Rather, it's even hard this time. Like I can't handle it anymore. Perhaps I'm weakening.

Now I just feel lost, angry, and helpless. Moreover, pathetic how dependent I have become.

It makes me even more angry.

Angry that you're so composed and not crumbling into pieces. How selfish it is of me to wish that.
To hope that maybe you're losing composure as well and it's not just me that's falling apart.