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Fawkes

A ridiculous request

There are so many things that I wish for, that I want from people.
But it's so hard for me to do. I'm not used to asking for things from people; to ask for people to pay attention to me.
I want to be able to tell someone very specific details of my life just so they can listen and understand me. But I choose not to in fear that it will be too boring or not of interest. It's too much to ask for someone's undivided attention, to ask for them to feel engaged in me and my story and who I am. For I don't even know where to start so I would need my listener to ask me questions and really just understand me.

Even as I type, I can hear how ridiculous this request is. How embarrassing it is to even be thinking of such a request, but that is what I want and need. More than anything. Someone to understand me to my core and know how I feel and what is happening in my life. As much as some people know and understand me, they do not. And sometimes when I begin to open up to people, I feel this sense of boredom and disinterest and I feel to need to stop and crawl into a corner and pretend like this conversation had not even started in the first place.

I just want someone to find me interesting beyond myself. How selfish of me.

But I try so hard to understand people. I enjoy listening to life stories and predicaments because it helps me to not only understand you as a person, but it helps me to understand other people as well. I enjoy learning about your experiences and what made you who you are. My only request is that you can be interested in me as well.

I can't believe that this is something I am requesting or is just something that I want because it sounds so juvenile and selfish. To just want someone to be interested in me. I just feel so alone at times and I just want someone to notice.

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