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Fawkes

I hate change

As with the numerous times where I seek comfort in my livejournal, I am going through yet another juvenile crisis in my mind.

I think I'm going to change my hair; which doesn't sound like a big deal but the biggest change I've ever done is gotten bangs in Junior year of high school. I'm saying this now. I'm going browner and front bangs. Why? Because I need to.

I think this is less for the purposes that I need a change in my look and more of a testament towards the fact that I hate and fear change. I've always said that I would go front bangs for years now and the only thing stopping me is that (1) I'm scared it will suck and (2) my sister always needs to give me her two cents about what she thinks will look good on me. She also stopped me front getting side bangs for so long. But anyway, I think I just need to do it in order to accept that things are always changing and I need to accept that. And if dying and cutting my hair is the sad pathetic thing I need to do in order to accept that, then that's what I need to do.

I think all this teenage-ridden angst is stemming from the fact that I have more or less settled down in Riverside and I absolutely hate it. I hate the fact that it's so far, I can barely drive, and I feel like I have no home. I cried my eyes out the day I moved into my dorm at UCLA and now I'm in a state of never-ending lethargy now that I'm out. I think I just need something to push me out of my vast sea of emptiness and realize how much more life I have left to live before I can start succumbing to an empty vessel floating adrift nothingness.

But amidst this crappy depressing story, I have an interview in two days. It's for an office assistant job but at least it's a start. Hope all goes well.

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